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catching up with ben & laura
third time round
Sitting in hospital this week with my extra soft blanket and pillow from home, tv card for watching state of origin, earphones for the tv handset and all other ‘previous experience’ comforts around me I was reminded about what makes the final days/ weeks of pregnancy so special: It’s an opportunity for reflection, growth and trust, to cast anxieties on One who knows loves & created all.
13 days past a due date doesn’t sound like much to those who haven’t experienced childbirth. But I can tell you, every minute ticks past in excruciating detail, as you wait and hope for your body to do its designed and intended job. With Eliana, I had time to contemplate, to wait, on the Lord, and on my body. Time to reflect, to read – the bible, and Christian biographies to help me gain perspective. Time to walk everywhere with Murphy. Time.
With Annalise I was ready to wait, I was well acquainted with the fallacy of expecting her to arrive on her due date and I had distraction in the busy-ness of motherhood. Frustratingly, four weeks before she was due, my blood pressure kept spiking, so I was in and out of hospital, the scar from so many blood tests makes it extremely easy for pathology these days. My well planned patience got blown in fear of both Annalise’s health and my own. 10 days past her due date forced a new level of waiting. In the meantime though, God blessed us with Ben’s parents ability to live in our driveway (caravan) and take care of Eliana whilst I made long term friends with the lounge and bed. This time in solitary, provided yet another opportunity to reflect, pray and cast all my anxiety on God. With our two beautiful elder daughters, God gave us the desire of our hearts, blessing us with their lives. We now wait, in the Lord, not knowing whether this will be an opportunity of our Lord giving or taking away, but resting and trusting always that He delights in His own goodness and glory.
Third time round, I’ve got my beautiful girls to distract me. Up until a week ago, things were chugging along nicely… then my old foe of high blood pressure returned. And God’s goodness was resounded in the arrival of Dad and Mum for a week’s holiday. I had hoped Dad might have been able to work his holidays for once bub was here, but once again God has displayed His omnipotence and love for our family in bringing Papa and Ahma right when they were needed most. Our week has been precious, filled with love, and entertainment with four grandparents. How great a privilege it is for my children to have four grandparents who love them so much and be surrounded in their affection and prayers for their growth and godliness. To watch Papa read and re-read stories to Anna from 7am till 7pm. To see Eliana and Ahma sitting at the table baking, or writing, crafting, chatting, and learning.
My time of reflection third time round arrived, sitting in hospital watching Queensland demolish NSW. The quiet my soul had not experienced came, and was satisfied with scripture and a call to be holy. If I’d been home, I wouldn’t have searched out Yancy for reading, and I wouldn’t have been drawn to seeking solace in God. God knows what we need. He gave me that break, but also healing in allowing me to return home the next morning (I had two midwives laughing over my sprint exit!)
What a wonderful gift pregnancy has been in changing, challenging, growing, stretching and teaching me to be more Godly, to seek God to search and know me more, to cast my cares on Him. To know that whatever the outcome, the timing is His alone, even when I’m convinced in my own human folly that I know best.
We look forward with anticipation, excitement and joy for our third ‘reward from heaven’ delighting in the joy of Eliana and Annalise’s own excitement as we wait not so patiently for their little sister to arrive.
nb. all photos are copyrighted property of Rachael Fowler Photography.
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GETTING REAL: book review
earlier this week I read an article in the SMH with the header “Put Soft Porn out of View: Experts” which noted a group of more than 30 child experts had submitted a report to the committee of attorneys general/ censorship ministers requesting that all soft porn (Penthouse, Playboy etc) be banned from public places (supermarkets and petrol stations etc) and that the censorship ministers review rules on other magazines (not defined as porn such as Zoo and Ralph) as they are increasingly explicit in content and contribute to the sexualisation of children.
Sound reasonable? I think so – particularly when confronted with the level of statistics mentioned in the book “Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls”.
Apparently the majority of Australians think otherwise… or at least those who read the SMH and Age. Over the two states, a poll was run with 20,000 people voting over whether soft porn should be removed with over 65% disagreeing that it shouldn’t be limited to adults only premises.
That is incredibly disturbing as a reflection of our society at large. Even more confronting is the news that Playboy is considered “soft”… I shudder to contemplate their definition of moderate or hard.
I’ve been wanting to review this book since Dunc first mentioned it when we stayed with him in October 09. It gripped me to the point that we purchased multiple copies to loan and give away to people. No matter who you are, father, mother, sister, brother, grandparent, single – you need to read this book.
This book is not a “Christian” book. It’s position is not specifically religious, – rather a collection of articles written by actors, psychologists, and other professionals within the domain of all things “Children.” Noni Hazelhurst prefaces the book, and so begins a literal journey that will shock, confront, horrify and spur you into action.
To me, the most edifying aspect of the book is its final chapter, written by Julie Gale (Kidsfree2bkids) which describes what one person can do to change societies direction in pornifying childhood. So often, we are so overwhelmed with data that we can read a book like this and think how awful the world has become and not do one thing about it. Julie’s journey began with contacting a media agency over a billboard in her neighbourhood. Speaking up and making complaints has helped to instigate a lot of change. One example listed is:
“The ‘What’s New’ chain in family shopping malls sold blow up sex dolls alongside Wiggles merchandise. So I decided to email the Wiggles corp. to ask if they were comfortable selling Dorothy the Dinosaur mugs on a shelf opposite a ‘Granny I’d like to “x” doll. They withdrew their merchandise the same day from all ‘What’s New’ stores”
And it is not just the lads mags that are encouraging such a disturbing trend in sexualising our children – Julie lists some of the text on covers from Dolly and Girlfriend and Cosmo magazines which are so graphic in nature that I can’t bring myself to copy them in here. 15 year old girls ask CosmoGirl sex advice columnists if they can get pregnant from anal sex. Lap dancing and pole dancing have become mainstreamed, advertised as “fitness exercises” Miley Cyrus and her younger sister (pin-up girls for young teens) can be seen pole dancing in video clips and dressing up in stripper type costumes for Halloween. “Sexting” is commonplace in highschools (sending naked photos via phone to girl/boyfriend).
Our children are getting their sex education from internet pornography. Girls are encouraged through teen mags and their boyfriends to re-enact the sex of prostitution. Teen culture today expects girls be ready for sex at all times, with a growing interest in faux lesbianism and threesomes.
Computer games like Grand Theft Auto give extra points by sexually assaulting a prostitute and then murdering her. A Japanese videogame invites players to simulate rapes of a single mother and her two young daughters, and has a multi-player option.
And its not just our teens, with one chapter describing the growing trend in pre-school and kindy teachers “reporting unacceptable sexual behaviours from tongue kissing and inappropriate and determined exploration of other’s bodies, to the use of words such as “sexing” when talking about love and affection.
“It was reported in 2008 that a group of six year old boys ran a ‘sex club’ at a Brisbane primary school, threatening girls who refused to comply. The Courier Mail reported the case of a 7 year old girl performing oral sex on a boy during lunchtime after being threatened violently”
There are many more examples listed in this book describing the sheer volume of increasing desensitisation of children – pack rapes filmed and put on youtube as home made porn. We are beginning to experience the age of “the death of feeling or empathy for another’s suffering” where an education in humanity, common decency and respect have been swapped for an education of sex through porn.
Objectification can be seen everywhere we look. Girls are being educated to “supply” and boys are being education to “expect and demand”.
As a mother the information this book provides was enough to make me seriously consider re-evaluating much of our lifestyle. Particularly as I realised the level of desensitisation I had succumbed to. Cotton-on-kids has a range of slogan t-shirts that focus on female anatomy and sexual in content, which had offended me but not to the point of action. Some of the girls dresses, following consideration, are overtly teen inspired, with spagetti straps and suggestive crimping of fabric to define a bust-line. It is almost impossible to purchase ‘pretty’ clothes for girls over the age of 8 from our major retailers – they supply to our demand, so lets inform them of what we really want.
As a Christian, this book only confirms how far our society has fallen from Biblical values of honour and respect. The Bible commands Children to Honour and obey their parents, for parents and family to instruct their children in Godliness and wisdom “to protect the widow and fatherless” to instill discipline and to live a life of love – not the love defined by hollywood, but by the virtues of patience, kindness, lack of pride and envy, not self-seeking, not delighting in evil, but ALWAYS protecting, trusting, hoping and persevering. The bible is not a book of morals – it gives these guidelines as a reflection of God’s character and desire for us to copy him, to choose right over wrong, to choose to serve others over ourselves to follow the saviour, Jesus the King and so experience the true joy and freedom of living a life worthy of the calling of our Great big God.
I write this review as an encouragement both to myself and you, to never give up, and to fight to protect our children. To be active in our community. To ensure you have adequate internet protection on your computer to protect your children, your spouse, your friends from the dark spiral of porn. To pray for our spouses and our children to fight temptation that is now flashed across every TV screen, billboard and bus. To realise that anyone born since the 80’s has been increasingly affected by the overt and sexual nature of our society, and that there exists a far more sinister demand in the Third World where sexual exploitation of very young girls is on open display. How long before that demand seeps publicly into the West?
“as long as we stay silent, we are complicit in maintaining the status quo’ – Julie Gale.
story time
the girls love reading – here’s an example of eliana working through some favourite nursery rhymes with annalise: